Mary Jo Sue's 6th coaching session- the 4Ss Continued

Apr 27, 2023

Mary Jo came to session in an excited mood. The week was a unicorn. All went well. Nothing big to talk about. We discussed how great that felt, what she thinks contributed to that and how she is starting to shift how she is responding to her daughter. Mary Jo was able to identify that she is starting to be more patient, and curious with her daughter! What a win.

We decided to spend a lot of time talking about the 4Ss today as Mary Jo wanted to keep the positivity train going.

We started with Safe.

There are main topics we cover in safety, I'll summarize here. If you want to learn more, join us in our Attachment workshop.

Safety is more than physical safety. It is mental, emotional, relational, and physical safety. Mary Jo talked about her surprise with relational safety and how she had never thought about how frustration and outbursts decreased the feeling of relational safety. This was a great segue into the repair process. We talked about how it isn't imperative that parents get it "right" 100% of the time, but rather that they repair when they make a mistake. This teaches so many aspects to children and has life long benefits.

We spent the majority of the time talking through the repair process and ways to pull that in to her day to day. 

A high level of the repair process is:

  • State the words of remorse- be specific
  • Explain what you intend to do differently so you don't repeat the offense- be specific
  • Ask what the hurt person needs to move forward- i.e. a hug, a snack, some time

Mary Jo was great at the first step and had never heard of someone doing all three. After a few practices, she felt ready to try it in her week.

If you are thinking, it is taking a long time to work through this psychoeducation, you are right. We move at a pace that is comfortable and sustainable for learning. I can say 1,000 strategies in a session, but that would not be nearly as effective as taking in one or two that can be added to daily life.

I'm excited to hear how Mary Jo uses the repair process! Until next time.

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