50. Brainspotting– healing your brain

Mama S here. Today was a day that started like no other. That simple line makes me laugh as we start each day with my singing up to the girls the song by Phil Joel:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgUAr0T2SxU%5D
Today, it could not have been more true.

Our family participates in Intensive In-Home Therapy. We have 2 therapists that come and chat with the girls one on two, with Alex and I, and our family as a whole. It can be, well, intense having 2 therapists at all interactions, but it is also great! You get two different views and support and it is nice while you have it. We have been talking about Brainspotting for months now. If you are not aware of what it is, go back and read that link. It is fascinating! Alex and I have been cautiously interested and partially skeptical.
I was in the skeptical bank. How could looking at a pointer heal your brain? We put it off week after week, month after month in favor of traditional conversation.

Last night I had the courage and determination to send the text… let’s do it tomorrow.

This morning came. We fell back into the routine of chatting about our week and how the girls did over the weekend. A few minutes in the lead therapist took out her pointer and said, “let’s do this!”

I got comfy on a chair and she sat in front of me with her pointer. She scanned my range of vision and did her work. We got to the point where we were ready to start and I started focusing on my troubling memory. We got started. I had nothing to go off of and so my mind took off. First it was on the memory, then it was how long it would take and what to do. We had to stop and I needed more information.

After a brief 60 second chat, we started again. What felt like 90 seconds to me, took about 35 minutes in reality. My body shook, my limbs got really cold, my lips moved a ton, my eyes were going back and forth while closed, I sobbed like a baby, and at one point I got mad, really mad. When I got mad I said that to the therapists and they said a couple of sentences and I was crying again. The whole experience was exhausting and I’m not sure the science of it at all. What I can say is this… it helped. Even just seven hours later, to think back on that memory I’m not feeling the same intense feelings. It still hurts, I’m still sad, but progress was made. All without having a conversation.

I decided to write about this because I’ve talked to a lot of people that have had traumatic experiences that they can’t seem to talk about verbally. This may be a way to help heal some of those hurts in conjunction with therapy. I think of the kiddos in care that struggle to articulate their feelings and words around the trauma they have experienced and how beneficial this could be to helping them in addition to therapy.
I’m not an expert, and I only did the one session, I’m just saying that it is something to consider and I’m ready to try it again.

One thing to keep in mind… I’m exhausted. Past the point of exhaustion that I have ever felt. We got done at 815 this morning and I was ready to go back to bed and sleep until tomorrow. That is the time of day I’m ready to conquer the world. Heck, I hung up a bunch of pictures and cleaned a bit before we got started. When we got done I was so tired I could barely get myself ready to go to work.

Plus, I’m still emotional. One therapist equated it to opening a file cabinet, taking a look at what’s inside, and then it taking a few days to close the drawer fully. They warned that I may be tired and emotional for the next few days. We shall see.

I’d love to know if you have tried brainspotting, if you are going to look into it, or what your feelings may be. I wish the world would normalize self-care and encourage people to seek mental health help just as vigorously as people tout that people should go to the doctor for aches and pains of the rest of their body.

Until next time,
Mama S