48. Bedrooms

adoption foster foster care kids Sep 20, 2018

Mama S here. A few weeks ago I got home and furiously disassembled our bedroom. Why? Trauma. Our little has struggled with sleep, her bedroom, nighttime since she moved in. We have tried many different solutions over the past 15 months to help settle her mind in those precious moments when she should be sleeping. A few weeks ago we had enough. We moved our bed to the same level as hers.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IZhStFsICI%5D


You see, we have had our bedroom on the 1st floor and her bedroom on the 2nd floor for the duration of her living with us. We needed the space. She requires very high levels of attention in the waking hours and we needed the physical space when she was asleep to regroup and prepare for the next day. We would hang out in our room and discuss the day and prepare for the upcoming days. We would laugh and tell jokes. We would cry and hold each other. All of this without having to worry about being quiet or being overheard due to the space.

It slowly became clear that no matter what we did, the space that we so greatly need is part of the problem for our little. Her needing us so close during the day does not go away just because we give hugs and kisses and slightly close the door. The internal workings that make her crave physical closeness in the waking moments are the same internal workings that crave that same closeness while she sleeps. It makes perfect sense. We still fought it.

Mama A and I decided on a compromise. We would move our bed to the bedroom next to hers for a few months and then slowly transition ourselves back to our bedroom when things settle down. That leaves our house a mess. We have everything that you would usually have in your bedroom in one room on one floor and our bed in a different room. What makes matters worse; we can’t fit our headboard or box spring upstairs, so our bed is literally just a mattress on the floor. I joked that we are back in college! That is a problem for another day.

Did it make a difference? Oh my word, Yes. P got up that next morning and told us about her bad dreams, but this time she had a smile. The same bad dream that would have had her panicked the morning before was OK. It wasn’t terrible because we were there. She knew that we were just 10 steps away and we would help her if she needed it. That comfort allowed her to resettle herself and go back to sleep quickly.

Is this an ideal situation? No. Far from it in fact. That being said, it is where we are and we will try this for a few months. This is a time of huge transitions for our little and if she needs us physically close while she sleeps, that is where we will be.

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