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16. And then there were none

adoption foster foster care kids pre-placement Jun 29, 2016

How do you choose between your dog and your foster son? How do you make a permanent decision in an situation that could be very temporary? How do you choose who to displace? Some may say that the decision would be easy. The dog would have to go. Others would say that their dog is family and the decision is harder. For us, it was the hardest decision we have had to make as a couple.

After our last post, we got a ton of feedback to get a second opinion on Patrick (the poodle). We did. The second person that came out to evaluate Patrick was very optimistic about Patrick’s ability to be around children but could not guarantee that a bite would not happen in the future. She was clear that she couldn’t guarantee that with any dog. In the end, it didn’t matter. We had to choose. We had to choose in between the sweetest little boy that has wiggled his way into our hearts and our dog that I rescued 3 years ago and has become part of the family.

With many tears, going back and forth for hours, more tears, more discussion, more tears, we decided that we would have V move on to a new home and we would work with Patrick through classes and having a behavioralist coming out to the house to work with us and have a new assessment done in 6 months to see if he is ready to live in a house with kiddos.

You can not imagine how hard this decision was to make. I love V. I love his smile, his giggle, his eyebrows (so expressive), and even his screaming. He is a wonderful little man and he deserves the world. I’m sad that I’m not the mama to give him that.

V will be transitioned to a new home over the next few days/weeks. We will get to talk to his new home and tell them all the great things we have discovered about him. We will get to send along his favorite things and kiss him goodbye. We will get to send pictures and offer to provide respite for him (in their home) if/when they need a night out. This doesn’t mean that we can’t ever see him again.

~Mama S

Alex here. We have been told over and over again that our foster experience has not been typical. We have been told that this is not how things usually go. I am trying very hard to believe that. Since our first call where we were given no information we have been climbing a steep hill. I am frustrated to say the least. This was not the experience we signed up for. The chain of events that lead us to this decision has been rough. V has a spot in my heart but I could not make a permanent decision to relocate Patrick for something that could be temporary. Even if Patrick was removed from our home there is no guarantee that V would remain with us in the long run.

Sarah wants to be a mom. I want to be a mom. I want to give Sarah the chance to be a mom and this was a no win situation. I was afraid she was going to hate me for standing behind Patrick knowing that meant V would have to leave. We talked and cried all afternoon. No option we discussed was good. All of the options made us sad. This sucks. I know this is not the path all of you would have chosen but it is the choice we made. Patrick is a permanent family member and we will work with him. Our journey does not end here. We will have a lot of healing to do after this is done. This wasn’t the path we expected and we need time to heal.

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