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13. And then there was one.

adoption foster foster care kids pre-placement Jun 10, 2016

We said goodbye to little M this week. It was the easiest and hardest thing I have ever had to do. The timeline was rushed after he attacked me. He has never come at me before. He wanted to hurt me. Badly.


We think that someone told him that he was going to be moving out and he was upset. Couple that with back to back visits with mom and dad and the sugar mom gave him in his visit made for a volatile little man. Alex canceled a meeting she was going to and drove around with us while I calmed down. I haven’t cried that hard in years. How could we be at this point? The point of calling Children’s Hospital telling them that he had to go. No more days. No more nights. No more anxiety.

Luckily, we work with an amazing group of people. They were able to arrange for him to move in with his new TFC home early. Yes, our OCM was cranky about it. I don’t blame her. I’m cranky about it. The official transfer took place 30 days from the initial placement. We made it a month. When I dropped his things off he hugged me really tightly and said he wanted to come with me. That ripped my heart out. How could I say goodbye? His new foster mom did great and led him back to the house while I collected myself in the car prior to driving away. This won’t be the last time I see him as his foster mom and I have started a pretty great relationship via text messages and calls. Thank heavens for that!

Little V is doing well on his own. His personality is starting to come out. Some things are so cute… others are concerning. We need to get him assessed and get him some help with communication, playing, helping with bonding, and behaviors. He learned a lot of aggression from his brother and we will need to work on that.

Parenting one child is a world of difference from parenting siblings with intense behaviors! We had no real tantrums this morning and once we kick the colds that are running rampant in our house, sleep will go back to something that resembles normal.

We know splitting up siblings is a polarizing topic. Some people have been supportive. Some people have been SUPER aggressive in telling us that we are wrong to even allow that to be a possibility. First off… I didn’t get a vote. We told everyone involved that we couldn’t keep V safe if we were all together from day two. No one listened. It took a TFC home telling them that she couldn’t keep them safe as well for them to consider the possibility of splitting them up. Trust us, they wanted to keep these boys together! That being said, I tell everyone the same thing. This doesn’t have to be forever. If/when the kiddos are re-unified we want them to be set up for success. We want them both to be able to deal with their “big feelings” and treat each other in a brotherly fashion. Not outright violence. That, and they both need to catch up developmentally. M wants to act like V when V is around and M stops V from moving forward developmentally. It is what it is. We will get them caught up and then see where this journey takes us. Sibling visits will happen as often as we can keep the kiddos safe. If that means we are in a visit for 5 minutes, we start there. We want these boys to stay connected and bonded. Whatever that looks like.


Alex here. It is with mixed emotion that little M is no longer with us. Honestly, relief is the emotion that fills me. I am sad that he could not stay with us but I know-without doubt-it is for the best. It makes me sad that the boys have been through so much that this was the answer. Still, I am relieved that our lives can begin to resemble normal again.

Wednesday was our absolute breaking point. Sarah and I went into the evening with high hopes for a good last few days. We knew the official transfer of M into his treatment foster home would take place Tuesday morning. We had this! We did not have this. Sarah, little M, little V, and I loaded up the Mini to run to Nissan to pick up Sarah’s car. M was agitated but was ok. They boys had just been dropped off from a visit with mom and dad; of course he was going to be a little sad about leaving them. I dropped off Sarah and M and was heading to my mom’s with V. I was going to drop off V while I went to my Lions meeting.

I have never heard Sarah sound so scared or hurt before. It broke my heart. I knew this had to end and I was not going to take no for an answer. The difference this time was I knew Sarah was not going to take no either. I told her to meet me where my meeting was being held. I was going to run in and tell them a family emergency came up. My club understood and I drove around with Sarah and M.

We could no longer do this. We were so close but we were also very far past done. I spoke with our LCW first thing Thursday morning and said he could not come back into our home. He physically attacked Sarah. I am not ok with that. They were not happy to hear this and I understand but they were able to get him into his new home.

Here we now begin our journey co-parenting little V. He needs a lot of help but together Sarah and I will be able to help him. Although this week was met with mixed emotions I am happy to have our dogs, Emma and Patrick, back home!

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